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”Destiny is not a matter of chance; it is a matter of choice. It is not something to be waited for; but rather something to be achieved."
- William Jennings Bryan

Catchy, huh? Well if you think you can relate to this quote, chances are you’ve found yourself in a rut one way or another. It could have happened before, it could be happening now. It could be a change of manager, a new policy you disagree with, a failed project, a missed promotion, an unfavorable evaluation – any situation that doesn’t necessarily turn out as you expected or as you wanted it to be. You feel you’ve worked so hard to make things happen right but it doesn’t. You become frustrated, even sometimes depressed. You lack the drive to do well and put your best in your other activities. Your enthusiasm goes down. The quality of your work is affected. Next thing you know, your appraisal and evaluation are downgraded and nothing seems to be working out fine anymore!

I may seem exaggerating, but it happens. And usually when people realize what is happening too them, it’s often too late. So what can one do to avoid such traps, or if already in them, what can one do to adjust to the situation? The following are some helpful practices I do when confronted with situations way beyond my liking.

· Get the Facts, and Get it Right. Sometimes we let our emotions get the better of us. Have you ever experienced wasting so much energy feeling bad about a certain situation only to find out in the end that there was nothing to feel bad about in the first place? Bummer, isn’t it? Before reacting to anything, talk to the parties concerned or study the issues at hand. If you have a better grasp of the issue, maybe you’ll understand things better and you wouldn’t have to feel bad. Don’t just take your point of view. Move! Look at the bigger picture. Have a dialogue with the person concerned and get the facts straight. Your perception of a situation might not be the same as the other parties involved. Miscommunication is more often “mess-communication”. Don’t assume things unless you’re a mind reader. If the situation is workable try to resolve the matter to gain a positive outcome. Look for a win-win situation. Something positive is always bound to come out of a healthy dialogue or a well-studied issue. Overreacting never benefited anyone. Except actors.

· Keep your Expectations at a Minimum. Sometimes we tend to expect too much. We expect people to act a certain way towards us. We expect the company to treat us in a certain way. We expect to be rewarded for everything we do. If things don’t turn out as we expect, we get frustrated. Frustration, when unmanaged can lead to anger, stress, depression, and whatever negative state you can think of. I believe that the level of expectation is directly proportionate to the level of frustration that goes with each unmet expectation. Let me appear intelligent and convert it to math.

EXPECTATION = FRUSTRATION

There. That wasn’t too hard. Were you frustrated with the formula? Maybe you were expecting something else. Perhaps something more complicated? Well, if you weren’t frustrated, then you weren’t expecting much. Get the idea?

· No Man is an Island. Do not hesitate to talk to people who you think could help you improve your situation. Don’t just go yakking around. If you really want results make sure you bring the issues to the proper people who can address your problem. If it’s a promotion you missed, ask your boss why you missed it and how you could do better the next time. If it’s a policy you think is unfair, bring it up with Human Resources. If it’s a failed project, call in your team and analyze how you could correct the problem and prevent it from happening again. If you want to further better your conditions, approach the proper people. Okay, sometimes you can do it alone. But that wouldn’t be fun, would it? Besides, being with other people and working towards a common goal should lift your spirits up. Which brings me to another practice…

· Uplift your spirits. If you’re not the religious type, don’t worry. But you can also pray if you want. It also helps. But what I mean for you to do is get in touch with your inner self. Try to find meaning in your life. Look for your sense of purpose. Realign your values. Search within yourself. Look for your inner peace. Breathe in. Breathe out. Do yoga. Get quiet time. This should drown all the stress and negativity you’ve been experiencing. Empty yourself of today’s trash. Shower yourself with happy thoughts. Excite yourself with what can happen tomorrow. Try this for at least an hour before going to bed. Not only will you sleep soundly but also you’ll have a better outlook in your everyday life.

· Move On and Focus your Energies on Positive Activities. Sometimes you just have to accept that the unfavorable situations you experienced needed to happen. You may not like it happening, but you just have to accept it. Move on. There’s still a lot to be done. Realize that if you continue on feeling bad or sorry for yourself, you would just be wasting a valuable resource --- YOU. You are too valuable to devote yourself to sulking, complaining, whining, and all the other negative activities. Try instead to involve yourself in other activities or projects that could highlight your talents. Help other people cope with their problems. Explain to other people what they are worth. Uplift other people’s spirits. Just keep doing good things. Suddenly, your problems and issues won’t seem to be that unbearable.

· Focus on What You Have Learned. Focus how it made you a better and wiser person. I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason. No matter how undesirable a situation is, we always benefit something from it. This is not easy to find out, though. But sometimes, when you analyze things hard enough, you will discover things that you would ordinarily disregard. It could be how to relate with our peers or our superiors. It could be a lesson in conflict management. It could be how to go the extra mile in servicing your internal and external customers. There is always something to be learned in every situation and ultimately it will contribute to better our character. To reinforce our values. To validate our principles. To better our performance.

There’s nothing extraordinary about what I have shared. These are merely simple advice. Most often than not, we expect other people to make our living and working conditions suitable for us. We believe that the company should change a certain policy or that a co-worker should change his work habits to suit ours. What we should realize is that change comes from within. If you do not change your way of thinking, nothing will be good enough for you and you will keep wanting to change everything around you. You could try changing the world around you but you won’t get far if you don’t change yourself first. Change yourself for the better and be an example to others so that others may change for the better as well. Be rotten and the others will be rotten towards you. You can choose to stay miserable or you can choose to challenge yourself to have a happier and better life. Only you are in control of your life. Do you think you deserve better? Do you feel you’re not getting anywhere near the kind of life you’re expecting? Then maybe it’s time you paused for a while and see what needs changing in your life.

A couple of years ago a friend sent me a text message which became one of my favorite mottos, I’m not sure who actually said it but it reads, “IF IT IS TO BE, IT IS UP TO ME.”<b>

So what’s your life going to be?