I just realized something. I'm not really living the kind of life i want. No, no. I'm not saying I'm sorry about where I am or what's happening to me. I'm actually having fun.
But the thing is, I don't really know what I want. So sometimes I kinda share in what other people want. Or dream of. If the people around me would want to party, I'd go. Not because I'd "want" to, but just because I'd be lacking anything else better to want at that moment. (like sleep. I love sleep.)
If a friend of mine would dream of owning a business, I would share his dream. I would "want" to own a business, too! And with excitement at that! Dreaming of being your own boss and making it big. Then we'd talk about the advantages of having a business for like an hour or so. Then he'd turn to me and ask, "So what do you want to put up?" I'd just shrug my shoulders and say, "I dunno. What do you think I should put up?"
Sometimes I'd just do things because that's their image of me. That I've been labeled as such or expected to act a certain way. Even if I don't want to or don't feel like it at that moment. Maybe because they get entertained or feel happy when I do those stuff. Some stuff for them, some for others. Some are good. Like listening to their problems. That's good. Sometimes they expect me to be funny. Even when I'm not in the mood to be. Others would just want me to entertain them. Others because they have problems. Some are even weird enough to enjoy me making fun of them because they have problems and wish to be entertained. Well... that part is not really good but it's something I like doing. Heehee. The point is, I rarely say no. I just oblige.
Going with the flow. Maybe that's more like what I'm doing. I've always told people that I know what I don't want. But I really can't say what I want. What I really really want. I just don't know. Now, that's the problem.
From this day on, I shall be me! I shall always know what I want! I will be focused! I will keep my eye on the target! I shall start living a life that's more "me-centered". I will not be swayed by thoughts of other people. Or what people expect from me. I shall no longer be a people-person. Enough of what you people think! This, I promise all of you! ITAGA NYO SA BATO!
Now, uhm... wait... just where do I start...?
Any requests? Comments appreciated.
10 comments:
deep in your heart you know what you truly want..and maybe unfortunately, in your subconscious and conscious mind, you very well know that what you want is an impossible dream... and so you are left with nothing...because you stubbornly stick to that dream..
what took you so long to realize that?
of course you know what you want.. you just dont have the heart to either go for it or give it up and find another (anything) that interest you.... or you just can't admit you're afraid of taking risk....
you're not left with nothing... if you believe that then you're in trouble....
you're always left with something.. you simply ignore them.. you just have to make the most of what you have right now and everything will follow... :)
and if ever you decide to do something, stick to it! :)
"I've always told people that I know what I don't want. But I really can't say what I want."
When you know the things that you do not want, it follows that the rest are those you want. Until you try things and discover it is one that you do not want. Prob is, life can be short and this big world will never run out of things that you can try. And before you know it, you will be too old to enjoy the things you truly want.
Or could it be possible that you never really want anything in the first place? (in addition to what you already have) …But feeling useless or inferior to others, you oblige yourself to want something to the extent of wanting what others would want for themselves. Nothing really to call your own.
Maybe it is nothing that you really want. Or maybe, stop wanting? (not a very good advice though)
YG
well, what do you know.... I have readers! kewl! thanks for your P0.02 worth guys!
that's what you call growing up! you have to be your own person, have an independent mind and focus on your goals.
yeeeeehhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!
Nagbibinata ka na!
Acknowledging the fact that you dont know what what you want is already half of the battle won!
You're on the right track! Puwede ka na mag asawa :)
Pari.....Pari......
naku, tamad ka lang...that's what it all boils down to. you know what you want..you just lack the initiative to move forward with your dreams. you don't need to share in other people's dreams and ambitions. what you hold in your mind and in your heart is enough reason to pursue what you want. it may be the craziest idea, but if you truly believe in what you want, it can happen. don't be afraid to fail...the first step to success is failure.
of course you have readers!!! pag bored ako dito sa work blog mo ang unang una kong binabasa...kaso.... ang tagal mo mag update!!! namemorize ko tuloy ung blogalog!
Hahahaha!!! You don't know what you want because you really don't want anything. You're just living a carefree life dude. Some would say that's wrong, but who are they to say so? Just live and make other people happy. That's what you should do. Just live.
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